The other day I was standing in my balcony at night, talking on phone. It was a cool clear night sky with one or two stars twinkling their way to joy. And why not, it had cleared up after three days of continuous rains and clouds. The earth was slowly drying up and the cool wind had a slight fragrance of February.
Fragrance of February is no term. It is my own term for a typical scent in the air around the end of winters,which is a little chilly, earthy, minty, floral and hints the onset of spring. The trees have started shedding their old dried leaves and have replaced them with shiny rubbery baby leaves, pinkish on corners, light green in the center. These new leaves were heavy and moist with the dew and were glistening in the moonlight.
There is a tall tree, in-front of my balcony, almost as tall as a 3 storey building, straight, with small branches all over and covering a very little circumference. The old foliage is gone and the tree is covered with small green buds of new leaves all over. It also houses a pair of parrots who shriek their lungs out every morning and reciprocate to the sounds produced by the people around. Its fun talking to them.
This pretty picture suddenly reminded me of my childhood and I was no longer paying attention to the conversation on phone. So I made a mental note of this that I was going to pen down whatever I felt at that time later. And today finally I decided to sit down scribbling every random thought I could associate with that scenery.
The scene has left a never to be erased image in my mind and reminds me of my memories of childhood, my house. It makes me miss my parents, my grandparents, siblings, our dog and everything about my growing up.
Suddenly I am feeling guilty of having changed so much, staying away from people who have loved me selflessly, who would never walk away on me, but I have done that on them numerous times. It makes me crave for my childhood even more.
No denying it is the most beautiful, unforgettable part of everyone's life. Mine was particularly special, thanks to our beautiful and huge house which I keep cribbing about now. The huge lawn was house to roses, forget-me-nots, asters, etc. Every seasonal flower was grown there, thanks to my grandmother who would chew off our gardeners brains out to keep everything perfect. Our house looked like just out of an 18th century British country side scenery. No wonder our flowers won prizes at the flower shows.
My Baba was a majestic personality. Dumbledore reminds me of him :) He was tall, very fair, and so good looking. He used to carry me on his shoulders to the nearby temple every morning and would buy me a 'mithai' while coming back every day. The joy of that morning outing is unmatched.
The huge kitchen garden used to flock with vegetables and trees and greenery. It was my own version of a mini jungle where all of us-the cousins would play our treasure hunts endlessly. We would collect toffees given by Baba every-time the teacher appreciated us. Then after sometime when there would be a huge collection, we would have our own clandestine candy party when elders were asleep at night. The wrappers would be tucked away innocently under the mattresses, only to be discovered flying around the whole house next morning. Then our ears would be pulled and we would be made to brush our teeth more than required.
So simple was were those times, when Mumma Papa had solutions to all our problems, all our questions could be conveniently answered in Yes or Nos. Weird that none of this is coming back.
I am so glad to have written this for this is making me realize how much have I changed and I really need to be there with them. Its been ages I haven't talked to Dadi. I am calling her today. I must go home the coming weekend. My Nani died and I could't shed a single tear. What is wrong with me? Why am I so cold? I was never so thankless and sans emotions?
Our joys and sorrows and fears and anxieties were so defined then. Fear of getting scolded because of a red remark in Almanac was the biggest threat in school. I could live this phase again for a lifetime if I could.If only God will give me back my childhood, my people who I have lost, those moments,my mausi, who was my soul sister, like an elder sister to me. I miss her constantly, her voice calling my name keeps ringing in my ears. I bet she loved me more than her own children.
Probably there is a void that will never fill now. All I can do is just look back fondly. As I read this somewhere-
“The past is a candle at great distance: too close to let you quit, too far to comfort you.”
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